You see a lot of enthusiasm for training on "managing your personal assistant", "managing your associates", "managing your client", or even the ironic "managing your boss". The enthusiasm, actually, is rather on the side of the supposed manager than on the side of the managed.
Do you like to be "managed"? How does it feel when someone is "managing" you? How do you think other people will feel when they perceive that you (are trying to) "manage" them?
What is "the other", actually? Is "the other" an inert stuff waiting passively to be managed by you? Or another person craving for respect, just like you?
I think the right approach to people is not to "manage" them, but to enter into a relationship with them. Managing people is a one-sided affair: it's all about the manager managing, and the other person being managed. It is about the ambition and the illusion of exercising control over "the other". On the contrary, relationships, at least healthy and effective ones, are a two-way street. You can only "manage" your own side of the street, that is the way you will engage in the relationship.
My advice: when it comes to people, leave your management toolkit behind. Keep your management skills for manageable stuff. The proper way to engage in a relationship is to to meet, to discover, to learn how to work with, and to respect. Already a pretty ambitious program, isn't it?
I have given and hopefully will keep giving training on "people management skills". But don't get me wrong. The first people management tip that you will learn is that to make relationships effective, the first think you have to do is to stop "managing" the other, and to take the risk of engaging in a relationship that you will never be able to fully "manage", because it takes two to tango.
Antoine Henry de Frahan
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